I Lost More Than Reputation. I Lost a Friend

The following names have been changed to protect the identities of those mentioned in this blog.

It didn’t take me years to finally unveil my side of the story. This was always on my mind and as I look back to it; I find it funny. It’s funny how things tend to happen.

"Okay here's the bet. Devin will give you a 100 dollar bill if you go up to Anna and ask her out," says Phil.

I guess Phil's motivation was to stir up some fun, while everyone did nothing productive in P.E. class.

"Yeah I will, look see it's a 100 dollars," Devin replies, while displaying the gimmick money.

That is stupid as I thought to myself. That thing doesn't even look real; it's too small to be real.

I took it as a reason though; a reason to talk to her. I slowly gained momentum to walk up to a crowd of surrounding people. On the cement bed in front of the concrete facade, she sat down restless. It was my only opportunity before school ended.

Let's go back several months before this tragic day. I find myself sitting down at an assigned seat that Ms. Gustoff devised. Beside me was little Kathy and opposite to my position was Anna. I didn't know anyone else that day except for my neighbor, Oakley, who sat across the room. I can hardly remember the exact dialogues we had, but I do remember how I felt. I felt happy to see smiles and laughter in my group. The seven days of the week, for an hour and thirty minutes, became our chill time together. It’s safe to say I actually liked her. In that middle school class, I always broke out of my shell to be a comedian along side Oakley. My own hidden agenda might have been to grab her attention. I didn’t need to in order for her to like me, but that was me back then. Like many people who transition to another school, you have an option to become either popular or stay the same. We went separate ways. The relationship dwindled like an autumn leaf stomped on by a herd of unconscious citizens. Ms. Gustoff changed the seating arrangements monthly as Anna and I departed. I wished for the winning lottery ticket that reunited us, but I was a fool. I should have went up to her or talked to her outside of class. That’s how I was back then. We went from strangers to friends to acquaintances to strangers once again.

My body was circled by everyone’s curiosity. They knew what was going to happen. Some instigated the situation and some made it a mockery. I couldn’t spill out the words out of my mouth. That is if I had any words to really spill out. I did not know what to say.

“Will you go out with me,” I struggled to pronounce. The anticipation of Anna’s reaction exacerbated my lost emotion.

“No,” Anna sincerely spoke as she looked up.

We did part ways for good. There were numerous encounters of people who asked me about that day. “I heard you were on your knees and you were crying,” someone asked me once. I simply replied that it didn’t happen that way. Some people were not present that day and heard a different perspective. Some were there that day and still fabricated an alternate story.

The last class I had with Anna was in my senior year, but it was too late to reconcile. I wish I at least tried though. Who knows if we could erase the past and begin a new relationship? I find it funny in retrospective that I was that person. I was that person who wanted a girl's attention, but in some cases turned comedian into clown. I was that person who wanted to talk to her before school ended, while originating a reputation known as, “The guy who went up to Anna.” I was that person who lost a friend. It’s funny how I changed. It’s funny how people don’t know the truth. It’s funny that things tend to happen.